Now my first caveat here has to be, I struggle MASSIVELY with rule breaking. As an AuDHD adult, I have a deep sense of injustice and really struggle with perceived unfairness – and yet, below I am talking about some of the rules I have massively enjoyed breaking over the last couple of years.

I came ‘back’ to my business in January 2024. I say back in inverted commas as I hadn’t left fully – but I had stepped away almost entirely for two years. Coming back brought with it the chance for a massive reevaluation of all the unwritten rules – or norms- I had been following

When I left, I had been at the highest point I had ever hit. I had hit the top promotion possible. I had a sizeable downline, I was earning far more than an average full time role would see me earning – but I knew I needed to step away. life was not feeling good, and I needed to change course.

In the two years that passed whilst I was stepped back, a few things happened.

• I trained – and started work – as a Coach
• I was diagnosed formally with ADHD (and recognised this was actually more like;y a combination of Autism and ADHD)
• I removed two of my three children from mainstream education
• I was certified Visually Impaired

So when I cam back, just over a year ago, I knew things would have to be different. I was starting to build my life around breaking so many of those unofficial rules – and I knew if I wanted to stay happy and healthy I would need to continue to do so.

So what rules had I been breaking, or what have I since gone on to break?

1 The rules of People Pleasing

Now this one had been engrained for a long time. my whole life in fact. You did what you were told, regardless of how it made you feel. You have a responsibility to ensure other people are thriving and comfortable around you – and so you become a ‘yes’ person.

What did breaking this look like for me?

It looked like learning to have – and to voice – a different opinion. It looked like standing up for myself, speaking up for others.

And what I discovered is, not only did life get better for me when I did this, it meant I could positively impact other lives around me too.

It meant I no longer constantly had this nagging feeling of ‘This isn’t right’ weighing me down with guilt. it meant I could make and support positive changes – advocating not only for myself, but for my family, my friends, other people that needed it.

And with that, I started to hold any head a little higher and make my voice a little louder. My smile became a fair bit brighter too.

2 The rules of Tradition

There are so many things I used to do ‘because that’s the way it is’

These were mainly rules around family life

• Screen time
• Bed times
• How, when and where meals are taken
• Homework
• Discipline
• And the biggest one, education

I had been following the advice, the books the podcasts. I had been saying no to requests from the kids because of course the answer was no, it always had been.

And after a while, I realised I was applying zero thought to each of these things. I never thought about the questions they asked, and why I was saying no.

I never thought about changing bedtimes, allowing later nights oe mornings. Extra screen time.

I never allowed meals to be eaten alone, or at different times or elsewhere.

Homework had to be done – of course it did. Those were the rules.

Except, family life was starting to get tricky.

With three children, there was often bickering. Meal times became overwhelming for the child that struggles with sensory overload, the child that was craving quiet.

The child that had been working so hard to keep to together at school was coming home and being tipped over the edge with the thought of having to do homework.

The teenager that was hitting a hormone surge, who had a busy mind, couldn’t just shut off at 9pm ready for bed.

And as I started to explore these things further, I realised each of my kids were different. Each of us are different. The rules that work for one don’t work for the other. I needed to be exploring what was behind each need and making sure the way we were doing life allowed for them to breathe in their own way.

Home education was the biggest of those changes. One of my favourite people was a home educator, but no one else I knew was. However, school wasn’t the right place for two of my children. The decision to take them put was difficult – school was a superb environment for one of my children, shouldn’t to be for all of them?

But we are all different. We all need different things. And so we made the choice to break the tradition of school for 2/3rds of the kids – and the relief, the difference was immense.

So now we don’t just follow along. We ask why. we ask if it’s the right choice.

And we follow those needs.

3 The rules of Work

9-5, Monday to Friday.

And build a life outside of that.

Except, that wasn’t going to work for me.

I wanted to work. I LOVE to work. I have a creative brain, a curious brain, a high desire to succeed. I love the dopamine rush that comes from setting a target and hitting it.

But I have a Visual impairment. I’m neurodivergent – I get easily distracted, excited, bored. I home educate. Surely work isn’t an option?

Except, I decided to make it one. To build a business around all of those things, to include all of those things.

To build a business I could pick up and put down when I needed to rather than being tied to set times, set locations.

A business that meant I could afford to get excited and creative and run with new ideas. I could say no to most of the parts that bore me (except accounts, I still have to do accounts. Eurgh).

This business works for me – and it has brought a new hope for my children’s lives. The conviction that they too can work away from the ‘norm’. they can follow their needs, passions, interests and create, carve out their own way. It’ll be different to my business – but it will be something they love in a way they love it. Possibly employment, possibly self-employment – but the right thing for THEM. They get to follow their own rules.

The rules of Direct Sales

Now this is a niche one obviously, nut learning to break these rules has been huge for me. My business is in the process of rebuilding so I can’t show you facts and figures yet about it bringing growth or success, but I can tell you that I have never felt more comfortable, confident and happy with my business.

There are a few things that I used to consider the ‘rules’ to make it within Direct Sales, even when I knew they felt icky to me.

• Be ‘consistent’
• ‘Connect’
• Use ‘Attraction Marketing’
• Hustle. Works the big hours now and reap the rewards of freedom in years to come.

Excuse the inverted commas, but they’re there to indicate that actually I had a distorted understanding of these/

Consistency was the buzz word. Just be CONSISTENT. And what this meant in that context was post at the same time every day, follow up with people in the same way, after the same a hunt of time. Produce so many posts, send so many messages.

And it all felt like such a demand. It felt so false, so draining.

I came to realise that actually what I needed to do was work with my energy. The material I put out is always the best received when it comes to me naturally, spontaneously, from a place of energy and connection and belief. Scheduling and planning may work for many – but not all. I needed to work within my flow.

Connect – what this meant in my old-school DS terms was message, comment, friend request – from a place of ‘what can I get out of this?’ I believe massively in connection – but again, I needed to change what that meant to me. I needed to lose this false definition, and lean back in to real, authentic connection.

This meant getting to know people with the same interests, the same values. Supporting – and being supported. Building relationships that I wanted to build rather than those that I thought might be a quick win as a sale or a team member. it means my circle is smaller – but of so much more value on a deeper level. Authentic, honest and encouraging – from both sides.

Attraction marketing. Post lots of wonderful things that show how fantastic life is because of your business, and if you need to exaggerate slightly, who cares? Fake it ’till you make you. make it right?

Don’t mention the tricky stuff. Don’t share the things that aren’t so simple.

But for a massive oversharer, it felt strange. For someone who values authenticity and openness, it felt off.

It took a while to realise that wasn’t attraction marketing. That was censoring.

And as for the hustle lifestyle. What? How was that supposed to work, when time with my family, time for me, time for creativity were all some of my most treasured things.

So I decided to ditch it all on my big return. I decided to show up as me, when and how I wanted, working in a way that suited me and being open about the challenges AND the great stuff.

Life is on my terms now, business on my terms.

And I have never felt more excited about what it brings.

There are many, many more to add to this – but I will write forever if I don’t stop now. I’ll save more for another day.

I would love to know which ‘rules’ you’ve found yourself breaking and how it’s working for you – or which you want to start getting rid of!